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Rebooting the blog?

by Mister Big on Oct.02, 2009, under Uncategorized

Six months since my last post? Really? I need to remedy this. It’s said that age brings experience, and while it’s true that I’m six months older now than I was before, I think it’s less the age and more what happens in that time that really brings growth.

I had a teacher once who said that human beings are constantly torn between the urge for self-preservation and the urge for self-destruction. Pretty serious stuff to put into a 7th-grader’s head (though it explains where I am now). So which side does the avoidance of stress, the sloth and laziness, born out of whatever justification one can find for it fall on? No doubt that most people see the avoidance of stress as a self-preservation technique. It’s only natural, after all, to gravitate toward that which gives you pleasure and away from that which gives you pain. At least, in the vanilla world.

But in the realm of BDSM, pain may be pleasure —  it may also be simply pain, mind you — but more importantly it transcends the simple “good/bad” or “seek/avoid” mindset. It becomes something that you engage with intent, rather than something you let run you transparently. After all, that same stress mechanism is what causes us growth. What does not kill us makes us stronger. This doesn’t mean go diving headlong in front of buses, or deciding to test your b/s/s’s  ”strength” by suddenly graduating to power-tool play…but it does recommend that you “push” yourself into things that normally you wouldn’t do.

I suppose this is all just an overly-long “I’ma git back up on my horse” post — but, hey, I’ve already been standing up to a lot of my other demons; I’m about ready to kick this one’s ass too.

“A man has to learn that he cannot command things, but that he can command himself; that he cannot coerce the wills of others, but that he can mold and master his own will: and things serve him who serves Truth; people seek guidance of him who is master of himself.” – James Allen

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Flavors of Dominance

by Mister Big on Apr.27, 2009, under Relationships

I think I’ll begin posting here with something I’ve noticed as I progress in this lifestyle. To me, there appears to be two aspects of dominance: the “intellectual,” and “primal.” I don’t believe the two are mutually exclusive — I see them more as two poles at each end of a spectrum of grays (much like many of the things we do). Accordingly, the place where a T/D/M finds themselves on the spectrum informs their style of play, their conduct with b/s/s’s, even their mannerisms.

(continue reading…)

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